Welcome to Glass-bottom Boat Rides!

Well look at that! You can really see the ocean below!

Granddad used to claim he was almost a deep sea diver before he met grandma.

This boat has a ceiling. The ceiling is made of glass.

The boat has walls which are also made of glass.

We’re in a glass boat-cube.

It’s made of lots of smaller panels. Every edge and corner reflect the sunshine.

It’s too heavy to float, so the glass box sinks.

The seams are sealed tight. No water is getting in here.

Let’s all sink to the bottom!

Look at that school of fish!

THUD.

We’ve hit the bottom of the ocean in our glass bottom boat.

Ocean dirt below. Dark blue everywhere else.

No snacks down here.

Someone has already peed in the corner.

Our tour began almost an hour ago. Three days ago. I can’t remember anymore.

Nothing left to do but scream and die.

The fish aren’t mad. They’ve got something to talk about.

Every month at work someone would volunteer to supply the theme and the movies to be played (without audio) on the big hallway screens.

Sometimes it would be Westerns, sometimes Sci-Fi. I chose WRESTLING. But not ol’ fashioned wraslin’ that so many are fond of…I brought in WWE and WCW from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s because that’s when it was most awesome and fuck you it’s my month.

This year I simply made him a poster that celebrated all the wonderful things that occur at Yuletide Log parties…such as:

• “picklebacks”
• Mario Kart
• heady beer
• Rock Band
• an actual rock band
• watching the DVD– The Monday Night War: WWE Raw vs. WCW Nitro
• making fun of Steve for drinking gluten-free beer (he has a serious medical condition you guys)
• smoking trees

I flipped through some of his favorite books and pulled out quotes that he had highlighted—then designed, printed and framed the posters.

FROM: “Things Fall Apart” by Chinua Acheb

FROM: “The Way to the West” by Elliott West 

“War Is a Force That Gives Us Meaning” by Chris Hedges

Guess the movie:

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Guess the TV show:

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ANSWERS BELOW…

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Back To The Future (Video Camera, Clock Tower, Guitar, Flux Capacitor)

WWF/WWE Monday Night RAW…or WWE television in general (Hulk Hogan, The Rock, The Ultimate Warrior, The Undertaker)

Cake Olympics from Unsanctioned Garbage Party on Vimeo.

My friend Tony enjoys quoting this particular phone call so much that this past Christmas I decided to give Tony “The Hucklebuck.” Literally. 

I designed and printed the label below. Then I taped it carefully to a small box about the size of  a CD and the depth of book. Additional quotes from the same phone call are also referenced on the box.

Hucklebuck talk begins at 1:57. It delights me to this day how many times he gets the nice old man to say “The Hucklebuck.”

This past weekend Tony brought The Huckbuckto a party where it was given to various guests…

This guy was not phased when he received The Hucklebuck.

These two were given The Hucklebuck at the same time.

He seems somewhat familiar with The Hucklebuck.

In fact, it takes 7 specific skills.

Directed by Garbage Party & JR33D
Written and Edited by Garbage Party
Photography by JR33D

All music: “Rainbow” by Battles. If you like it, purchase here.

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Implement your own Grayscale System by printing and hanging up the official poster!

High-Resolution/Vector version

Preview: 

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Text from the poster:

We recognize that all creatives require a standard set of skills in order to move forward, professionally. However, here we believe that it takes something extra to get ahead, personally. In an effort to better explore the potential within all of us, our Writers and Art Directors follow the path of The Grayscale System. Because it is non-traditional and controversial in its approach, we acknowledge the need to keep the system among ourselves for fear that the process may be compromised by outside departments. While our employees don the shirt of his or her current position, they must simultaneously respect all levels of The Grayscale System.

(key)
SKILL
AKA: The ‘street’ term
Shirt Color: The identifier
Equivalent: The traditional job title
Achievement Example: The defining act that earned the creative their position

RESOURCEFULNESS (1)
AKA: Rat-Like-Survival
Shirt Color: White 
Equivalent: Intern
Achievement Example: Survived for an entire work day on free office food

SARCASM (2)
AKA: The-Dry-Wit
Shirt Color: Ash
Equivalent: Jr. Writer / Jr. Art Director
Achievement Example: Managed to insult the client four different times in one meeting, client never knew

STUBBORNNESS (3)
AKA: Go-to-the-Mat-itis
Shirt Color: Overcast
Equivalent: Writer / Art Director
Achievement Example: Ruined nearly 5 professional relationships all for the sake of a single pun-driven headline

CUNNING (4)
AKA: Jedi-Mind-Trickery 
Shirt Color: Battleship
Equivalent: Sr. Writer / Sr. Art Director
Achievement Example: Presented “updated” work without actually changing the copy or layout

INTUITION (5)
AKA: Probably-Actually-High-At-Work
Shirt Color: Slate
Equivalent: Associate Creative Director
Achievement Example: Somehow foresaw the client’s distaste for French-sounding words, saved the project from sure disaster

STEALTH (6)
AKA: Must-Be-Sleeping-With-Someone-In-Accounting 
Shirt Color: Charcoal
Equivalent: Creative Director
Achievement Example: Went on 9 all out, company-paid boondoggles in one year under the guise of “creative presence”, on one trip expensed a set of lawn darts

PERSUASION (7)
AKA: Creative-Pitch-Magician
Shirt Color: Black
Equivalent: Group Creative Director
Achievement Example: Sold the client a campaign based solely on a ‘balls’ joke

Two young knights travel the unforgiving terrain of the midwestern suburbs in search of treasure.

Along the way they encounter the bearded face of evil who looks a lot like their dad with a cape on.

A grand battle ensues, and once again the warriors reclaim their throne as heroes of the backyard.

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These are my real kids so please don’t kidnap them.

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Music: “Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce. If you like it, purchase here.