Welcome to Glass-bottom Boat Rides!

Well look at that! You can really see the ocean below!

Granddad used to claim he was almost a deep sea diver before he met grandma.

This boat has a ceiling. The ceiling is made of glass.

The boat has walls which are also made of glass.

We’re in a glass boat-cube.

It’s made of lots of smaller panels. Every edge and corner reflect the sunshine.

It’s too heavy to float, so the glass box sinks.

The seams are sealed tight. No water is getting in here.

Let’s all sink to the bottom!

Look at that school of fish!

THUD.

We’ve hit the bottom of the ocean in our glass bottom boat.

Ocean dirt below. Dark blue everywhere else.

No snacks down here.

Someone has already peed in the corner.

Our tour began almost an hour ago. Three days ago. I can’t remember anymore.

Nothing left to do but scream and die.

The fish aren’t mad. They’ve got something to talk about.

I designed this a couple years ago, but since it’s March it seems appropriate…

Every month at work someone would volunteer to supply the theme and the movies to be played (without audio) on the big hallway screens.

Sometimes it would be Westerns, sometimes Sci-Fi. I chose WRESTLING. But not ol’ fashioned wraslin’ that so many are fond of…I brought in WWE and WCW from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s because that’s when it was most awesome and fuck you it’s my month.

Sometimes the office Christmas party is the only chance I get to have my annual holiday cry.

I’m just under a lot of pressure right now

Designed for an internal office event…

Guess the movie:

click to embiggen

Guess the TV show:

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ANSWERS BELOW…

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Back To The Future (Video Camera, Clock Tower, Guitar, Flux Capacitor)

WWF/WWE Monday Night RAW…or WWE television in general (Hulk Hogan, The Rock, The Ultimate Warrior, The Undertaker)

All writers and art directors require a standard set of skills in order to move forward in the world of advertising and marketing. However, at one particular agency they believe it takes a little something extra to get ahead.

In fact, it takes 7 specific skills.

Directed by Garbage Party & JR33D
Written and Edited by Garbage Party
Photography by JR33D

All music: “Rainbow” by Battles. If you like it, purchase here.

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Implement your own Grayscale System by printing and hanging up the official poster!

High-Resolution/Vector version

Preview: 

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Text from the poster:

We recognize that all creatives require a standard set of skills in order to move forward, professionally. However, here we believe that it takes something extra to get ahead, personally. In an effort to better explore the potential within all of us, our Writers and Art Directors follow the path of The Grayscale System. Because it is non-traditional and controversial in its approach, we acknowledge the need to keep the system among ourselves for fear that the process may be compromised by outside departments. While our employees don the shirt of his or her current position, they must simultaneously respect all levels of The Grayscale System.

(key)
SKILL
AKA: The ‘street’ term
Shirt Color: The identifier
Equivalent: The traditional job title
Achievement Example: The defining act that earned the creative their position

RESOURCEFULNESS (1)
AKA: Rat-Like-Survival
Shirt Color: White 
Equivalent: Intern
Achievement Example: Survived for an entire work day on free office food

SARCASM (2)
AKA: The-Dry-Wit
Shirt Color: Ash
Equivalent: Jr. Writer / Jr. Art Director
Achievement Example: Managed to insult the client four different times in one meeting, client never knew

STUBBORNNESS (3)
AKA: Go-to-the-Mat-itis
Shirt Color: Overcast
Equivalent: Writer / Art Director
Achievement Example: Ruined nearly 5 professional relationships all for the sake of a single pun-driven headline

CUNNING (4)
AKA: Jedi-Mind-Trickery 
Shirt Color: Battleship
Equivalent: Sr. Writer / Sr. Art Director
Achievement Example: Presented “updated” work without actually changing the copy or layout

INTUITION (5)
AKA: Probably-Actually-High-At-Work
Shirt Color: Slate
Equivalent: Associate Creative Director
Achievement Example: Somehow foresaw the client’s distaste for French-sounding words, saved the project from sure disaster

STEALTH (6)
AKA: Must-Be-Sleeping-With-Someone-In-Accounting 
Shirt Color: Charcoal
Equivalent: Creative Director
Achievement Example: Went on 9 all out, company-paid boondoggles in one year under the guise of “creative presence”, on one trip expensed a set of lawn darts

PERSUASION (7)
AKA: Creative-Pitch-Magician
Shirt Color: Black
Equivalent: Group Creative Director
Achievement Example: Sold the client a campaign based solely on a ‘balls’ joke

To my wife and the mother of my offspring…

Two young knights travel the unforgiving terrain of the midwestern suburbs in search of treasure.

Along the way they encounter the bearded face of evil who looks a lot like their dad with a cape on.

A grand battle ensues, and once again the warriors reclaim their throne as heroes of the backyard.

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These are my real kids so please don’t kidnap them.

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Music: “Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce. If you like it, purchase here.

Short skits.

Photography / Sound Edit / Music by JR33D – www.jr33d.com
Written / Directed / Edited by Garbage Party
(“Charles Grodin” written by John Simon)

Thank you to all my friends and co-workers that gave up a whole Saturday to help me out.

You’re a winner just for filling it out. Brackets, brackets, brackets.

Click to embiggen.

Printable/High resolution version

“Balls on a Chin” by Ryan Tobin

Another incredible musical submission that took my stupid poem Backpack, Knapsack, Balls on a Chin and gave it life –this time with some country grit.

I love my friends and fans. They’re funny, talented and sick assholes.

Towards the end of the film Groundhog Day, Bill Murray’s character, Phil presents newlyweds Fred and Debbie Kleiser with tickets to WrestleMania.

A few things are assumed…
• The setting of the movie was actually 1993, the year the movie came out
• The tickets were for the upcoming WrestleMania two months later
• The wrestling event, which actually took place in Las Vegas, somehow still occurred in the movie world, despite the character mentioning they would “be in Pittsburgh, anyway.” (Perhaps it was an alternate version of the event, but in Pittsburgh.)

Assuming all of this to be true, one thing can be concluded…
Phil sent the Kleisers to what’s often considered THE WORST WRESTLEMANIA OF ALL TIME!

Furthermore, while the gesture was extremely thoughtful, would Phil have truly won Rita’s heart if she had known he sent them to this trainwreck?

“But that looks like it would be fun,” you might be saying…

You need to just shut up right now. As a wrestling fan, I must tell you that there IS such thing as a quality wrestling event. If you’ve ever seen super hero movies, you know that some are filled with drama, spectacle and even humor, while others are dreadful or just silly.

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The months of buildup before the event, the match-ups and the roster at the time were pretty weak already. But to make it worse, the event had:
• Announcers in togas
• A forced tag team called the Mega-Maniacs, which featured Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake in a stupid bug mask
• The gimmick of “The Narcissist” Lex Luger, complete with full length mirrors
• Doink the Clown confronting his “dublicate”
• Giant González wearing a skin-tight suit with spray-painted muscles, including a detailed gluteus section
• An out-of-place Bob Backlund; a true “rastler” from a different era placed into the circus atmosphere of early 90s WWF
• The possible rise of talented Bret “The Hitman” Heart being overshadowed by Hulk Hogan’s “impromptu” challenge to Yokozuna and refusal to take a back seat to anyone

***

Despite all of this, I’m sure Fred and Debbie Kleiser had a great time at WrestleMania IX.

In the end, I suppose that’s what it’s all about.

A quick piece written for a lovely woman whose heart was just too big to love me the way I needed. I also think she lived in another country.

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You had me at “Hello.”

Then you lost me at “wrong number.”

Then I swear I HAD YOU at “but I think you called ME.”

I felt we were having our first fight at “Sir, please don’t waste my time on the phone like this.”

Then I honestly didn’t know where I was.

You knew it didn’t matter who was at fault as you sighed, exasperated.

You had me a thousand times over when you put your dad on the line and called him “your manager.”

I think I had HIM at “I would like to marry your daughter.”

We all had each other when the three of us felt comfortable to just sit in silence.

Then you had me again at “all premium channels free for 3 months.”

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Not to be outdone by the first submission, our friend Jason V. (from the JayWalking! podcast) has offered up his take on my amazing poem Backpack, Knapsack, Balls on a Chin.

This piece is very different from GBJ‘s, but equally impressive.

It also sucks all the joy from my heart and forces me to lie down on my back next to the desk. Then I giggle from my office floor when he says “sodomy.”

“Balls on a Chin” by Jason V.